i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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