Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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