We won't sleep together?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
