Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
