Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
