obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
