Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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