saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
