It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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