that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i will never coherently bang her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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