So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
