Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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