we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
