One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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