At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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