Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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