I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
