Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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