When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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