Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
