You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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