You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
