I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
