I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
