Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
