Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
