I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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