Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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