Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
