Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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