spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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