this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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