oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
