Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i believe in u and ur pee
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
