"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
