You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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