its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
