Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
