Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
