yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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