Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
