You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
