so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
