remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
