I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
