So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We talked him into tasing himself.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
