I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
