One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
