Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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