Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
