i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
