So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
