I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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