I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
