I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
