Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
