I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
