She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
