I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A bitchslap is in order.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
