by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
